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27 April 2017

Life Update: Here I Am

I owe you all an apology. It's been almost (although not quite), a month since I wrote a blog post. And that, is quite frankly appalling. 

In light of the fact I haven't written in so long, I thought I would fill you all in on my life so far, what's going on, where I am, why I haven't written in forever, and whether Alice's Antics is still even a thing.

So for the last month, I've been writing my final, giant piece of work which all students in the UK have to write, my dissertation. Your dissertation is basically your contribution to a research topic of your choice, you find a gap in the research and you write a 10,000 word (approximately, this varies) word thesis on your contribution.

Basically, despite obviously choosing a topic I find interesting personally, it's also pretty horrific. Hours and hours have been spent in front of my laptop, and almost none of that, has been for leisure. If you follow me on my Instagram, you'll know that last Thursday, I actually submitted it, and I am happy to report that it is banished from my life. 

It's a weird thing, writing a blog throughout this period of my life, because it's almost like an online diary. I have blog posts from my gap year, and posts from my first year where I talk about my dissertation, or graduating uni. And it's scary, because I'm suddenly here.

I've spent the last 21 years of my life, following the life path traditionally set out for everyone. Preschool, school, GCSES, A Levels, a gap year, and then university. And I've basically spent my whole life leading up to my graduation on July 13th, when the support stops. I will no longer be lead by teachers or lecturers, from here on out it's all me. 

That realisation, is scary for everyone. But I think because of my necessity to write everything down, I find it even more surreal, because for the last 10 years I've been writing an almost-daily diary, and for the last 4 years, I've been writing a blog. So I have a constant reference to how I thought I'd be feeling over my graduation from the perspective of 18 year old me, but now, it's here. 

To combat the absolute enormity of this realisation, I did what any rational 21 year old would do. I gathered together my best friends, and together, organised an end-of-an-era trip to Disneyland Paris. 

So I was dealing with all of this, the daily epiphanies, booking Disneyland, the realisation of forever starting on July 13th, when a spanner was thrown into the works. I was offered a job.

Don't get me wrong, the job didn't come out of nowhere, I'd applied a month ago, had had an interview, I had to write a blog post for them (yes, it involved blogging), and then, yesterday morning, I woke up to a job offer. Like, a real life, adult, oh-my-god-no-more-sleep-until-11am-Tuesdays blog post. And as much as I am excited, because that's it, I'm pretty much sorted. I'm also FREAKING out. Because THAT is IT. I'm pretty much SORTED.

It's safe to say, the last month has been a rollercoaster. And I am sorry for not writing, I promise I am. But as you can see, I have had a couple'a things going on. And I wanted to share it all with you, because you have been there since the beginning. But your gal is growing up, and I couldn't be more terrified or excited.

More blog posts about real things and not just be rambling, will be coming ASAP.

Thank you for being so patient with me,

Love, Alice x


3 April 2017

Missing Home as a Wanderer

Link to my new Facebook

Last week, my dear friend Kitty poured her brain out into a blog post. There's bows and arrows and analogies and it's a genius read, so I strongly recommend you do here. It also, became a bit of a muse for me, because over the last few weeks I've had a lot of time to think. I'm not ashamed to admit that a couple of week ago, I had a bit of an existential (slightly hormone-induced) crisis, and was collected from uni by my dad, who presented me with chocolate in the car, and drove me home to my mum, who was waiting with wine. 

I have spent the last four years with a huge desire to travel. I don't have a driver's license because anytime I save up the amount of money it would take for me to have a car, I end up flying away. I didn't have this blog the first time I went travelling, but it fed my desire to see as much of the world as possible in whatever way I can. Not through a hotel window, or a gated community, but involved. Living, socialising and working. And so far, I've done alright, all things considered.

But part of the problem with having this big strong, independent woman bravado, is that in reality, I'm a homebird. Yes, I spent 7 months in Italy, but I can easily think back to times I cried over the phone feeling homesick. I thought coming to uni, I would never want to return to Dorset, but so far I've been home at least once every term. And what the three years between Italy and right now have taught me, is that you can be both. And it's okay to be both.

There are very few people in the world who can travel forever and not call their mum. There's also very few people in the world who would want to live at home for their whole lives. It's a balance, and it's a spectrum. We all want our freedom, nobody really wants to admit when they need to be with their parents. I've been denying it for years, only to contradict myself in practice. 

I'll be graduating soon and starting my new adventure (updates of that will definitely happen) and it's the first time since leaving school, I've had a big life change. I'm excited and nervous and basically feeling all of the feelings ever. The last three years have taught me many lessons, but maybe the most important one, is the realisation that missing my family doesn't diminish my sense of adventure. Being an adult isn't defined by how often you call your parents. Being homesick isn't embarrassing. It's luck, because however far away you go, you will never completely want to tear yourself away. It's a sign of an individual who has had happiness and love and nurture. Be grateful, learning to admit when you're missing someone or something, is a sign of strength. 

Love, A x

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