Belive it or not, I've just got back from a morning run. A run which clearly, ended up being one of the most insightful hours of my life. So whilst lying here in my bed of blankets, curled on the sofa catching up with the latest Grey's Anatomy, I decided I want to write it all out. Ironically, in this split second, I have short-term, got my shit together.
But this is a rare, rare, treat and not always the case.
Once upon a time, the phrase 'pull yourself together' was one that never really bothered me. All I'd have to do is get my homework in on time, turn up to school, and make sure to eat more vegetables.
Now, the thought of pulling anything, ANYTHING together, fills me with dread. Where would I start? My personal life? My academic life? My blog life? My love life? Because right now, none of them are particularly 'together' in anyway.
And this morning on my run, I decided, that is totally, 100% OKAY.
I am currently trying to split my life between reading for my final year dissertation, writing out essays for current modules and applying for graduate jobs in positions I don't even know I want.
For the longest time I thought I'd go into journalism, not even hardcore journalism, since the age of 15 I could see myself writing features for Glamour and Cosmo. And then, when I actually tried out writing for the local paper and student paper, it turns out, I don't actually like being told what to write. Hence why I love this lil blogging journey of mine, because inspiration comes in my jammies, and I can crack open my laptop in a second.
For the last week, I've been in a panic. Because I haven't pulled any of my shit together and my motivation has been on the floor. I just about dwindled through life, 99% of the week spent hiding in my duvet and drinking tea to avoid any sort of responsibility. But the truth is, the only one putting pressure on me, is myself. And whilst I'm a true believer in self motivation, there is a line, and I know this week, I crossed the threshold of sense.
I thought talking to adults would make me want to pass out, how I am technically included in this 'adult' word, but am I really???? Really really??? Because the truth is, nobody ever really has their shit together. Human beings are largely just a beautiful giant entity of individuals who occasionally luck out and have their life go in the right direction. But even the cleverest, most bright and talented of us have those days where they're in a constant state of feeling as if they've just woken up after a 3 hour nap.
I'm not saying you don't have to work hard. You need to pull up your socks and work your arse off if you want to get anywhere. But, along the way, you don't need to always know what direction you're going in. Just keep going. Keep applying for jobs and keep writing essays. Keep travelling the world and working up the ladder in your dream job.
The pressure of having yourself together is entirely on you. Give yourself a break, you might have dropped your biscuit in your cuppa, but for the most part, you're doing as good a job as everyone else at muddling through life.
Ciao for Now!