Over the summer, I went through a 'break up', not your typical 'he dumps her/she dumps him' thing, but it was a break up none the less. The problem we had was that we didn't want to break up with each other. But we were both going travelling and knew that it would be stupid to be in a long distance relationship when we were both off, doing new exciting things. So that is how I found myself, on the day I was catching my plane to Istanbul, an hour before my 2 best friends arrived, in bed, in stage 1 of the break up.
Stage 1, was the crying. Crying, sobbing, sniffling, those inwards breaths that get caught in the back of your throat and make you feel like you're having a miniature heart attack. You hide in your bed and when anyone comes to see you, you just turn over dramatically, wave a hand at them to show you are still very much alive, and send them on their way. You may also have a look at photographs or think of things that you used to do together, just to make life that little bit harder. You watch films, LOTS of films, Pretty Woman, Never Been Kissed, The Notebook, all films that make you feel that little bit more alone. And, providing you are not one of those gals that loses their appetite when they've broken up with someone (I am definitely not that girl), you eat. Copious amounts of chocolate, that you have sent people out to buy for you, and very often you drink wine. Or maybe vodka if you're feeling that bad.
Stage 2 is always a little bit (a lot) of a risk.. you lose your inhibitions, you go wild and free, your friends tell you 'HEY, ALICE, YOU DON'T NEED NO MAN' and you definitely believe them. And thus comes, the rebound (optional plural choice here). Your friends come round, they drag you out of bed, force some clothes on you, make you shower, brush your teeth... things that haven't happened for a long while. They chuck out the empty chocolate wrappers and ice cream tubs, and put a bit of lippy on you. What a transformation. You look in the mirror and think, 'F**k XXXXXX, I don't need him' and you embark into the night. Ready to pounce on just about anyone and anything.
Please note that this is not always as fun as you think it may be. Sadly I fell into the 'plural' category and one of my rebounds resulted in the most awkward sexual moment of my life. His name was Hugo, he occasionally wore a headband (need I say more), and as I dropped the lid to his bottle of water and bent down to get it, I lifted my head to see him about an centimetre away from me, as he said 'Fuck the lid' in a low, fake, gravelly voice that definitely did not belong to him, and proceeded to attack me with his mouth.
Let that be a lesson ladies, rebounds are rubbish. Unless they result in really great sex.
Stage 3 brings out the worst in almost anyone. This is when you blame and get angry. After several attempts of getting over him, it's not working, you can't seem to settle for someone else, so you decide that this is someone's fault and obviously, it is his. So you take to Facebook and search and search and search for something that will make him look at fault, even when he's not. You try to convince yourself he is the bad one, you don't need him.... Sophie Jones has liked more than one facebook status.... bingo. CLEARLY he has moved on already... 3 facebook status likes? That is too much to be just a friendship. And so it continues on this long and windy road of facebook stalking, (real life stalking), asking his friends, until finally
Stage 4 the realisation. Stage 4 is the best stage. And although sometimes is can take weeks or months, when you finally get there, it is a massive sigh of relief. You feel light and fluffy and finally you realise there really up plenty more fish in the sea (or attractive, decent guys). Stage 4 comes from weeks of going through the other stages, all the subconscious building up until BAM suddenly, you notice you haven't looked on his facebook for a while, you notice, actually, that guy at college/uni/work, is pretty hot and you realise the little knot in your stomach of guilt every time you are attracted to someone else is gone. Thank god for Stage 4, because it makes all the other stages feel that little bit worth it.
Ciao for Now