I’m currently sat in a french coffee shop, named The French Coffee shop, with my two best friends in France, in complete and utter silence. It’s our day off, and the world is passing slowly by as we read our books, or in my case, write my blog.
After nearly four years of writing a blog, I’m sure it’s become apparent the last month or so I’ve wanted to give myself a break. The terrible wifi and working 6 days a week is certainly a contributing factor, but the lifestyle I have out here means the upkeep of writing a blog would stop me from doing other things, so I thought I’d have a break.. 322 blog posts later, I think I deserve a break.
But today, sat here in my favourite seat in my favourite coffee shop, I’ve decided I want to write. I have something to write about.
And it starts, with myself. I’m currently studying for a degree in a discipline I don’t want to go into, I have thousands of pounds worth of student debt, I’m writing a blog when I should be reading up for my dissertation, I’d love to lose a couple of pounds and I don’t even know what men are anymore. In fact, the only thing I really know about my future is that I want a dog. And all of this, should equate to me feeling confused, angst and inexplicably lost.
Yet I am the happiest, most confident and most self assured I have ever been.
Stepping out of your comfort zone does a lot for a person. It makes you evaluate your friend choices, your love choices and your life choices. The phrase ‘finding yourself’ is thrown around a lot, and I understand why. There’s a lot of trial and error, and people always feel the need to justify others behaviour with a reason. In your twenties, it’s because you’re finding yourself, in your forties, it’s a midlife-crisis.
But there is a point to it all. That road of uncertainty, where you collect memories and moments, visiting places hard to get to and making decisions you probably (definitely) shouldn't have made, don't make you any less of a human being to the person sat in their 9-5 job, or the person with their own house aged 23. It's just a different life path, and it took me a very long time to realise that that is completely and utterly okay.
The road to becoming this self assured human is not easy, and it’s something I’m still learning about, every single day. But part of extending your comfort zone is learning about the things that matter. It’s prioritising what you should be losing sleep over versus what you can learn to live with. It’s realising calling your mum doesn’t make you dependent, and knowing not everybody has to like you for you to still be a good person. It’s realising the phrase ‘forever alone’ is probably the stupidest phrase in existence, even when you’re at your loneliest, and learning being happier means letting yourself be unhappy. And it’s being safe in the knowledge that whether you are in your 20s, 30s or 40s, just because you haven’t found yourself, it does not mean you are lost.
Ciao for Now!
18 August 2016